Finding the Wrong Travel Partner, So You Don’t Make the Same Mistake
Probably the worst travel partner story I’ve heard is from a woman who went to Egypt with a friend. She wrote,
“She didn’t tell me until day three that she’d brought her Dad with her. She had carried some of his ashes, and she wanted to spread them around Egypt because it was one of the few countries he’d never traveled to. She left him in a Pharaoh’s empty tomb, the Red Sea, and elsewhere, and she spilled some of him inside her purse.”
Other Bad Travel Partners
Fortunately I’ve never had an experience quite that bad (although there have been a few horror stories involving snoring, screaming, coupling, blabbing, and military scheduling).
I’ve basically had good luck in finding a travel partner when I need to split costs or simply crave companionship on a trip. One great buddy I found on a ferry in Hong Kong when I wasn’t even looking. We were both setting off for Thailand, and we decided to travel together. I’m still in touch with her 40 years later.
Mark Twain Tells It Like It Is
However, you simply don’t know what someone will be like as a roommate, even when you’ve been friends for years. As Mark Twain said,
“I have found out that there ain’t no surer way to find out whether you like people or hate them than to travel with them.”
How to Find the Perfect Travel Partner
1) Anwer: you won’t find the perfect travel partner because no one is perfect, including you. The good news is that kindred spirits don’t have to fulfill every item on the checklist. Sometimes there is just an ineffable quality that draws people together, and even people with whom you may not have much in common may make great partners on the road.
2) Laugh off irritations and move on. I would love to be the person who does that, but that isn’t me. I take many things personally and am sometimes overly sensitive. That said, perhaps mindful meditation or growing up in a family of ten siblings will result in a traveler who doesn’t take minor blips seriously.
3) Realize that travel changes with age. I know that I am leaning towards slower travel and would want to find someone who doesn’t have to see everything in the guidebook or paint the town into the wee hours. Make sure that you and your travel partner are on the same page about the number of places you want to visit and the number of activities you’d like to undertake.
4) Find a companion who can soldier through travel challenges. Stiff upper lips are surely preferable to a not-so-fine whine. And of course it helps immeasurably for both you and your travel mate to be flexible. Just the way that travel challenges ebb and flow may necessitate changing course often.
5) Find someone with abilities that you don’t have. I discovered that finding transportation, ordering food, getting directions, and keeping out of iffy areas was much easier because my travel partner spoke Hindi in New Delhi. We were both at sea in the south of India, but luckily English and body language got us through. I also ended up traveling with a trekker in Tibet who could literary push me up hills. Ask your potential partner questions about their strengths and weaknesses.
6) Find someone different from you, or, if you’re a (nearly) perfect person, the same. I recently went on my first group tour (to Mount Rushmore), and my favorite travel buddy and I had not a thing in common except that we amused each other. For some journeys, that’s enough. However, I would only travel with someone who loved art museums (but didn’t have to visit every single one).
7) Travel with someone who is independent. My first long trip to Europe in 1970 was a success largely because I was traveling with someone who agreed that it was healthy to split up every once in a while and meet again in a few days, a week, or several weeks. I stayed in southern Spain while she went to Morocco. We were always happy to see each other and catch up.
8) Make sure that you are both on the same schedule. It will make you crazy to be with someone who is always late and for whom you’re always waiting. Or if you are a night owl and she is up at the crack of dawn. You must also find out before the trip if your potential partner has the same ideas about budget as you—and the money to afford what you both want to do. Also discuss how to pay for where you stay and eat. Will you split half and half, take turns paying, or add up totals each time you go to a restaurant or café? What can you live with?
9) Pose that important question: Do you snore? Or anything worse? Snoring may be a deal breaker unless you use noise-cancelling headphones, which I find a pain to carry but a blessing in many situations. Does your travel mate need to FaceTime or chat on her iPhone to her friends back home all the time? That also may make you crazy. My husband has informed me that there are a few things that I do that make him crazy, so better look within, also.
10) Find someone who can laugh at adversity. There was the time in the ruins of Mahabalipuram in India when a small bird relieved itself on me while flying by. My partner waited for me to laugh first (the highest rung of partnership), then yelled “It’s good luck!” We both laugh every time we remember it.
11) Find someone with whom you can truthfully discuss problems. However, remember that you can never know how someone will take your honesty (especially if it includes criticism). And sometimes even if you do communicate and share a common vision, your pairing just doesn’t work.
12) Find someone with whom you can amicably split instead of suffering through a trip. The initial pain of moving on alone may be wrenching (or a relief), but things seem to look up when you don’t have the cloud of dissension around you. And, of course, if you find yourself uncomfortable talking to someone while planning a trip, follow your gut and try elsewhere.
Sometimes Solo Travel May Be The Right Path
In fact, if you know where you want to go and how and when you want to travel and you don’t want to compromise your vision, going for it alone can sometimes be the better choice. I’ve traveled solo throughout my life and, while it may have different challenges and higher highs and lower lows, solo travel has perhaps been the source of my most wondrous and memorable travel moments.
In Tune with a Travel Partner
There are joys to be found when sharing an experience and joys when you are solo and don’t have to worry about what someone else thinks or expects. But if you manage to find someone with whom you are in tune—and with whom you can split the costs of the trip—then you’ve hit the jackpot.