How Travel Changes As We Age

One reason I have always loved traveling with my daughter is that she has actually said to me, “You make the plans, mom. I’ll go wherever you want to go and do whatever you want to do.”

The fact that she said this to me, an inveterate traveler—and one who has gone where and when and how she liked—was the cherry on the cake of parenthood.

But travel changes as we age, and, although it is sometimes difficult for some to admit, accepting and working with potential travel difficulties can enable us to continue to roam the world happily.

Mom Takes the Reins

A little more than a year ago my daughter and I set off for the Balearic island of Menorca, where we studied Spanish language in the morning, explored the ancient ruins in the afternoons, and strolled along the harbor side at the port of Mahon in the evenings. I made the plans, booked airline tickets, rented the Airbnb, signed us up for the language school, and arranged for (and drove) the car.

Kid is the Ruler of GPS

Jump ahead one year, and my daughter was in the process of moving to London for graduate school. I accompanied her to help her move to a fourth-floor walkup in Hackney. All of a sudden, I found that my kid was GPS-ing us all over London. She was tracking bus schedules, directing our route to different areas of the city, helping me carry my bags, running to find people to ask for help when the key doesn’t work for the gate, reserving restaurants, and showing me how to buy the Oyster card for the underground.

The Balance of Power Shifts

For the record, I am 71, with a bum knee, some balance issues, and an autoimmune illness, so I appreciate any help I can get. However, this all felt very strange to me, almost as if the terms of our relationship were shifting.

I have found in my travels that when I am led around by others, I become more and more passive. That happened to me in the past in foreign countries in which I didn’t speak the language but a travel partner did. I could feel it happening recently in London, as well. I became used to being led around, and I did so with few complaints and little outrage. It took me a week of solo travel in Iceland to begin to feel in control of my journey once again.

Experiencing the balance of power change in England felt strange and almost like a precursor for trips to come. The shift in control was sometimes amusing and, ultimately, very thought provoking. Of course, travel is just one activity in which aging changes one’s experience, but when it happened to me, I couldn’t help but imagine myself being led across a busy street by a scout.

Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

Taking Over for an Aging Parent

I remember taking the reins when my own mother was older, accompanying her to doctor’s offices and overseeing her care. It was different with my dad, who reminded me that he could describe his complaints just fine without my help. My mom seemed to relax into it, and I believe that she appreciated that she was being cared for. Perhaps this was because my dad had really handled everything for her for much of her life, and she becomes passive about some of it. At one point I was shocked to hear that she didn’t even have her own checking account. No wonder she relied on me when was my dad passed away.

Acceptance vs. Surrender

Accepting help—or allowing it—seems an easy path for some older folks to take when their families are concerned about their well-being. However, many older adults refuse to accept help and insist on their ability to handle matters on their own. They may be right—perhaps they can handle their lives, but it may be their pride that prevents them from accepting help.

I’m sure that everyone knows older adults who will fight to keep their independence and are hostile to any suggestion that they, as one therapist once said to me, “surrender to the inevitable.”

Travel Changes as We Age: Groups, Friends, or Solo

Staying independent while traveling seems to be a hot topic for my over 60 cohort. Group travel often segregates older participants from younger ones. There are numerous cruises or large bus tours to destinations all over the world. Some tour companies provide questionnaires about a prospective traveler’s health and physical capabilities so that the other participants won’t be held back. More active older travelers seem to detest waiting for others to climb off buses or walk up hills.

And of course there are people who are in great shape and hike and bike into their 80s (or even 90s). Solo travelers often judge those who rely on tours harshly (I see this online often), just as those in great physical condition are sometimes judgmental of those travelers who are not. But the bell will toll for us all at some point, and changing the way one travels because of declining ability is no curse, no shame, and no surrender.

I was chatting with some older women at our Over 60 travel meet up recently about the ways in which travel has been changing for them, and one woman admitted that she just plans to do less than she used to and that she sometimes travels more slowly. Another woman said that she makes sure that she has some time during the day to have down time or even a nap. But taking time for oneself is sometimes difficult on a tour or even with friends…..and, for some, the need to slow down is hard to admit.

Some Benefits to Slow Travel

There are those who are thrilled that they no longer feel the need to rapidly move from place to place. They choose to stop to smell the roses and have a glass of wine at a café rather than hit every museum in town. Age brings the freedom to travel in the way that we want.

And for those with illnesses—either obvious impediments or “invisible” conditions—-not only is the need for self care necessary, but sometimes one’s choices about destinations may need to change. Health challenges in some countries—from travelers’ diarrhea to influenza to malaria to Zika—need to be taken into consideration. Of course, all travelers need to take steps to get the requisite shots or medications when traveling anywhere and to discuss their travels with their doctor.

Freedom to Explore, Freedom to Change

So slow down, take a break, choose a different journey, make arrangements for more care. Asking for help is also a great way to connect with people when you travel.

Accept that travel changes as we age, and aging is no cause for shame. We all have our own individual challenges to our health and abilities. Facing these challenges with fortitude and acceptance are keys to living a satisfying life, whatever our age.